Mariale Hardiman

I write this as I wait at GBMC for my mother to come out of surgery to remove a lump from her breast. The familiar words—the specialized lingo that is part of any profession—come back to me as I consult with her doctors. Words that, when unused, seem to fade quickly like the vestiges of a foreign language that is no longer spoken.  With this familiar language now returning to my vocabulary, one ubiquitous phrase still unnerves me.  I am not able to say the words “battling cancer” today any more than I could say them 16 years ago.

In 1992 I had breast cancer surgery and in 1993/1994 a bone marrow transplant.  And while my situation was frequently described as a fight or battle, I was never comfortable with those words. It felt too much like I was somehow at odds or in conflict with myself.  I could not imagine engaging in a fight with my own body, psyche, and spirit. A battle, me against myself, did not seem to be the right route to healing.

So, instead, I decided not to battle but to embrace my body as it was and determine what I could learn from the experience. Healing for me, no matter what the outcome, would involve this acceptance.  Acceptance, however, did not mean passivity.  I added a variety of alternative medicine approaches and therapies to my aggressive traditional medical treatment.  I felt that I had a very active role in my healing process and it never felt like a battle.

I propose that we change the language that we use to describe someone who is diagnosed with cancer. Perhaps a few other women also are unnerved by the phrase, “She is battling breast cancer.” I wish I could come up with something better, and I think many who use this phrase do so because few alternatives exist.

My mom is handling cancer well and doing fine.  There is no battle, just purposeful action.